New rule, if you’re pregnant/engaged/married don’t tell me. I’m only going to become secretly mad and hold it against you, purely out of irrational jealousy. And I know all you pregnant/engaged people out there want to reveal in all that makes you happy but………. STOP ASKING ME to throw/host your showers and participate in your weddings. It’s very flattering but just so you know I’m secretly judging/plotting against you AND your significant others’ demise. Thank you, that is all.